I've been sick on and off for about three weeks now. Its waay past the "i love my raspy voice" stage..but has now filtered into the "I want to bang my head against a wall" phase.
I once heard somewhere that God could cure a headache as easily as he could cure cancer in someone. After many days of just waiting this thing out, popping pills like crazy, and getting plenty of rest..and STILL not making any progress.. i started waking up so frustrated. I've been sick before..but never really this sick for this long. I cough so much that every muscle in my torso begs me to stop as it throbs with aching. Yesterday I even wondered "Why doesn't God just heal me already?" Granted, I am beyond fortunate that this isn't a life threatening disease of some sort, but I guess I'm just so tired of being sick & see the need to get better. Now.
Right now, I'm unemployed, and just feel so extremely useless just lying in bed not doing a thing. I just feel like there's so much to do, so much to see..so many bills to pay. We're supposed to be leaving our house in 10 days. Not a thing's packed, we don't have a house yet..and none of the household is 100% healthy. We're supposed to have a yard sale tomorrow..but I feel like I can barely move without coughing up a lung. The mucus in my chest just keeps circling round and round like a washing machine. I wish I could have a miniature bucket & scoop lowered into the caverns of my chest & have it all removed.
With all this complaining and frustration, I found myself neglecting to truly dig into the word of God. When I was always busy, my excuse was always that I never had enough time. Now that I have 24 hours at my leisure (though not by choice), I find that I'd rather do so many things other than read the word of God. *Although I'm forced to rest, you'd be surprised at how many games of Sudoku & books I'll read before I pick up my bible* Then it hit me... if I don't have a desire to serve God when I'm sick, what makes me think that I'll have a desire to serve God when I'm healthy? My prayers as of late have been, "Lord please heal me so I could serve you again." In the solace and confinement, I realized that God's just been wanting to get me alone. Duh, He is the God of the universe. The star-breather could definitely clear out some petty mucus in me. So the fact that I am still sick..well, I know he has a message for me.
I was reading Galatians and it came to the part about the law. To be honest, I never truly understood why we needed the law and how it played into Christ's dying for us..until I read a sermon by Charles Spurgeon. I couldn't get through to the next sentence without crying my brains out. It was an 11 page sermon, by the way.
My sickness seems so petty held against the light of my true destiny: hell, doom, darkness, eternal misery. I saw the gospel in a rich new hue. I felt salvation all over again..more beautiful, vivid, filling every crevice of my ungrateful & wicked heart. And on top of this, I was so blessed with camp and all that I learned. I am once again reminded of my Lord's holiness, and who I am. I am reminded that I am a friend of God..and ONLY..only..only..because of my Savior & Lord, Jesus Christ.
If all these realizations was God's aim for me during my sickness, then it was well worth it. Definitely still wishing that I was better..but.. I'm not really complaining much anymore :)
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